Divorced Parents More Likely to Divorce Parents Divorce Are More Likely to Divorce Again
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Research shows that children of divorce are more likely to feel a divorce themselves. The statistics vary, just one study past researchers Paul Amato and Danelle Deboer indicated that if a adult female'southward parents divorced, her odds of divorce increased 69 percent, while if both a husband and wife'south parents divorced, the run a risk of divorce increased by 189 percent. They cite 10 other longitudinal studies over 20 years that reached like results. Put obviously, they explain that, "parental divorce is ane of the best documented adventure factors for matrimony dissolution" (Amato & Deboer, 2001, p. 1038).
The statistics can feel disheartening and leave children of divorce feeling helpless. But earlier you throw up your hands, let'due south examine this miracle more closely to empathize the why backside the statistics. Information technology is not plenty to say that divorce begets divorce; statistics lonely fail to address the mechanisms of transition and ultimately tell couples how they tin insulate themselves against this chance. Enquiry points to ii ascendant theories to explain the increased divorce risk of children of divorce: Personal Skills Theory and Commitment and Confidence Theory.
Theory #one: Transmission of Relationship Skills and Interpersonal Behavior
This theory states that children of divorce are more likely to divorce themselves, because they did not get to scout their parents model good for you relationship skills, things like open communication, negotiation skills, and compromise. This lack of skills, the theory states, leads straight to divorce in children of divorce.
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It is true that failing to instill children with relationship skills tin increase the children's odds of divorce, considering failing to larn those skills eventually leads to more arguments in their own marriages, which in turn increases their odds of divorce. But watching parents argue is insufficient to explain divorce trends. In their 2001 study, Amato and Deboer found that children whose parents fought a lot simply never divorced were non at increased risk of divorce themselves. Amato stated that "parents' marital discord, in the absence of parental divorce, was not linked with marital dissolution among offspring." He goes on to say that children who grew up in begrudging households were more probable to contemplate divorce in their own relationships, just without a model of divorce to emulate, they typically did not follow through and divorce their spouses (Amato & Deboer, 2001, p. 1049).
To be articulate, this finding does not negate the importance of relationship skills. Divorcing couples tend to mind less attentively, communicate less clearly, speak critically of their partner, and avert and withdraw from arguments. These are patterns that tin can be picked up in childhood and increase the likelihood of divorce. But information technology is the divorce itself, not the fighting, which accounts for the increased adventure in their children's divorce.
Theory #two: Conviction and Commitment Theory
Which brings us to theory number 2. The confidence and commitment theory states that children observing and experiencing their parents' divorce leads to a reduced commitment to the establishment of marriage and lower confidence in the ability of marriages to remain intact long-term. Considerable research supports this finding. Divorce researcher Judith Wallerstein explains the phenomenon this way: "...at young adulthood when love, sexual intimacy, commitment and wedlock take center stage, children of divorce are haunted by the ghosts of their parents' divorce and terrified that the same fate awaits them" (Wallerstein, 2005, p. 409). Interestingly, the finding breaks down by sex activity. One study found that while engaged women whose parents divorced reported lowered relationship commitment and reduced confidence in their ain upcoming marriages, the same was not true for men. Researchers notation that "experiencing a parental divorce appears to have a stronger impact on women's than men's desires and beliefs about the future of their own marriages" (Whitton, 2009, p.4). Women'due south lack of conviction in marriage leads to college divorce rates.
What to practise with this information?
Children of divorce are at run a risk of responding to their fear of divorce in ane of ii ways. Some dive headlong into inappropriate, unformed relationships every bit a counter-phobic response to their fears. Others avoid relationships all together, and when in relationships, maintain a mindset akin to waiting for the other shoe to drop. They struggle to believe in the strength of relationships to weather condition difficult stretches, and many get in ill-equipped to address a human relationship's most stiff challenges (Wallerstein, 2005).
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But children of divorce have choices. They can begin to come to terms with their upbringing. In a therapeutic setting, they tin can work through the impact of their parents' divorce and how it shaped their perceptions of relationships. They can begin to conceptually separate their ain relationships from that of their parents' and look to other relationships, maybe grandparents, aunts, uncles, or friends, for new models of the lasting power of marriage. Couples can develop their ain set up of relationship skills and tools and learn how to limited those underlying anxieties and garner support from each other. In brusque, they can change the story.
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References
Amato, P. R., & Deboer, D. D. (2001). The Transmission of Marital Instability Across Generations: Human relationship Skills or Commitment to Union? Periodical of Wedlock and Family, 63(4), 1038-1051. doi:10.1111/j.1741-3737.2001.01038.x
Wallerstein, J. S. (2005). Growing up in the Divorced Family. Clinical Social Work Journal, 33(four), 401-418. doi:10.1007/s10615-005-7034-y
Whitton, S. West., Rhoades, G. Thou., Stanley, S. M., & Markman, H. J. (2008). Effects of parental divorce on marital delivery and confidence. Journal of Family Psychology, 22(v), 789-793. doi:x.1037/a0012800
Source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/between-the-generations/201902/if-my-parents-are-divorced-is-my-marriage-doomed-fail
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